Dude cleaned his car this morning

The Manipulation of me

I was cleaning the car in New Zealand this morning. Hot sun beating down on my bronzed body, wax on, wax off.

Okay, a little hyperbole here.

I was removing the layers of dust and grime that had settled on its hard exterior. The cleaning process was helpful for me; when I move my body, I think better, create better, and get ideas.

If you are feeling stuck right now, getting your body in motion can help. Any movement or activity will do.

My kids came to help, and as I worked with them, an idea for this post came to me.

The idea is called “the manipulation of me.”

I was thinking about parenting and how it can be so tempting to weld your children to your ways, to them mini-versions of you.

Talk this way. Act this way. Be good at these things.

It’s kind of horrible, though, and boring too.

We could be listening, learning, exploring, and discovering exactly who they are.

Our hands could be more open when it comes to the people in our care.

A closed hand cannot receive anything. I can only strike or hold on tight.

There is tension in a closed hand… always; it’s a stressful way to be with people.

Imagine building a life where none of that was necessary. Where we were secure enough to just listen, guide sometimes, and then simply walk the world with those we live with.

This concept brings me much relief.

Controlling a child, a family member, a partner, or a workmate is draining. It’s done from a place of tension, the hand is closed, you are seldom surprised and never delighted.

Let’s relax a little around those we love.

Let’s listen more to their wishes, their desires, and their way of being.

This brings me back to my dirty car. There was nothing broken about it, I did not need to take it into the shop or get it fixed up. I didn’t need to fire it and get another car.

It just needed a little care, a little love, and a little attention.

It’s standing pretty proudly in the driveway now.

Listen, and let it be.

Geoff x